My divorce was final in October 2025.
People asked if I was going to throw a divorce party. I didn’t. Not because I wasn’t relieved, but because I didn’t know what I was celebrating. I wasn’t stepping into a glamorous “new me” era. I was stepping into single motherhood. No parents. No spouse. Just me and my daughter.
Little did I know, I was stepping into survival mode.
Looking back now, there are a few things I would absolutely do differently. I don’t regret my journey, but rebuilding doesn’t have to be harder than it already is.
Divorce as a single mom isn’t just emotional, it’s financial, spiritual, and practical. Rebuilding after divorce means rethinking your income, your home, your boundaries, and your identity. These are the lessons I wished I would've given into sooner.
1. I Would Surrender Sooner
I believe in God. But in the beginning, I was still trying to control everything.
The timeline.
The custody rhythm.
My income.
My debt.
Where I wanted to live.
I was praying, but I wasn’t surrendering.
If I could go back, I would release control earlier. I would stop trying to micromanage outcomes and instead say, “Lead me.”
That shift changed everything later on. Rebuilding requires release. You cannot hold on tightly and expect peace.
2. I Would Stop Comparing My Healing
Some women seemed “fine” immediately. I was not fine.
The first year, I didn’t want to date. I didn’t want to be looked at. I questioned myself because it didn’t look like what I thought would be my divorce journey.
Now I understand: divorce is not one size fits all. Healing is personal. I would stop measuring my progress against someone else’s coping mechanism.
Rebuilding takes time. And sometimes the quiet season is necessary.
3. I Would Get Into Therapy Earlier
Therapy helped more than I expected.
Your friends love you, but they can’t carry everything. Some of them won’t relate. Some of them are dealing with their own situations.
Having a neutral place to unload the trauma would have saved me from internalizing so much stress. Divorce is traumatic.
I would normalize support immediately.
4. I Would Set Boundaries Faster
Divorce changes dynamics overnight.
What used to be normal doesn’t always feel safe or healthy anymore. I had to learn that just because we once shared a life doesn’t mean access remains the same.
If I could do it again, I would guard my energy sooner. Especially as a single mom rebuilding, your peace matters. Your child feels your stability.
Boundaries aren’t bitterness. They’re protection.
5. I Would Approach Financial Decisions From Faith, Not Fear
This is a BIG one.
Debt felt heavy. Not just because of the divorce, although divorce is expensive. But because I was just making unhealthy financial decisions. I’m actually learning the why behind this now so more to come. But people that are good with money can fall into a place of going blind with your financials, especially when going through something traumatic.
When you’re overwhelmed, you make decisions from pressure. I did that at times.
If I could go back, I would pause more. Pray more intentionally. Seek wise counsel. And remember that rebuilding financially takes strategy, not panic.
Single motherhood forced me to take ownership of every financial move. That responsibility felt scary at first, but it also made me stronger.
I’m learning more about the financial side of rebuilding, how trauma affects money decisions, and how to rebuild intentionally. I’ve written more about choosing income streams wisely [here].
6. I Would Accept That Change Is Inevitable
Custody was one of the hardest adjustments.
The nights my daughter went to her dad’s house felt unbearable in the beginning. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I had to learn how to exist in that quiet.
Instead of fighting that reality, I eventually learned to use that time for therapy, reflection, planning, building.
If I could do it again, I would remind myself sooner: this isn’t the end of motherhood. It’s a new rhythm.
And new rhythms can still be beautiful.
Divorce didn’t just change my relationship status. It exposed the areas of my life that needed rebuilding, spiritually, emotionally, and financially.
I’m still rebuilding. I’m still learning. I’m still making decisions about my home, my finances, and the legacy I want to leave for my daughter.
But I’m no longer rebuilding from fear.
I’m rebuilding on purpose.
And if you’re in the beginning of this season, just know, you don’t have to rush the transformation. Survive first. Heal second. Build intentionally.
Rebuilding after divorce takes time, faith, and intentional financial decisions but it does get steadier.
