The Real Cost of Starting Over—And How I’m Budgeting Through It
Divorce is traumatic, expensive, and emotional. I expected the financial hit, but nothing could’ve prepared me for the emotional toll, especially while grieving the loss of my father. Becoming an orphan in the midst of ending a marriage made one thing painfully clear: All I’ve got is me.
Now, thank God, I’m at the finish line. The divorce is officially with the courts and signed off by both of us. This wasn’t a decision I ever wanted to make, but it became the only one I could.
Somewhere between grief, motherhood, and fighting for peace, I found myself nearly $80K in debt, not including my real estate, and my credit in the worst shape it’s ever been. It felt like quicksand.
But I’m starting to see the way out now.
How Did I Get Here?
I’ve always been the penny-pincher of the group. Hustling, saving, and stacking my coins. Even wrote a book about side hustles called Six Figure Side Hustles. But after my dad got sick, my motivation faded. I was still working, still saving, but my energy was gone. Then COVID hit.
During the pandemic, I got pregnant and became incredibly paranoid about everything. Surprisingly, my marriage was mostly stable during that time. But after my dad died the following year, reality started to hit me hard, and I began to see cracks I hadn’t seen before.
Fast-forward to March 2023, I filed for divorce.
The Bills Don’t Stop Just Because You’re In Survival Mode
I had the money for a retainer, and I’m grateful for that. So many women stay in marriages because they can’t afford to leave. That wasn’t my story. But once the legal fees started rolling in, the financial pressure only increased.
I wasn’t ready to do a lot of things at this time, and truthfully, I didn’t have the energy or desire to force myself through them. I didn’t want to work, at least not for someone else on their schedule. What I did want was to be present for my daughter, for the field trips, the sick days, the little moments that mattered to me most. But in avoiding the hard truths, I never took the time to really assess what it would cost to maintain a home with $25K in annual taxes. I figured I could make it work.
Big mistake.
But Then, God Stepped In
Right on time, my consulting work turned into a full-time offer. I said yes without hesitation, because deep down, I knew another year without a steady paycheck could put everything I worked for, particularly my real estate, at risk.
That was the turning point. I had to get real about my finances, no more avoiding the numbers. I became focused. Disciplined. Maybe even a little obsessive (in the best way) about budgeting and paying down debt.
Now that I’m back in the corporate world full-time, I’m reminded why I was trying so hard to build something on my own in the first place. But I also see how necessary this season is. God has a way of gently guiding us, even when we don’t understand the route. I’m grateful for the clarity, the reset, and the renewed sense of direction.
What Starting Over Really Costs
Starting over costs more than money. It costs comfort. It costs convenience. It costs facing yourself, your fears, and your finances head-on. But it’s also empowering.
This journey is about sacrificing now so I can live better later. It’s about making hard decisions, doing uncomfortable things, and giving myself grace through every step. I’m still healing. Still growing. Still figuring it out.
But I like this little life I’m building. And I like who I’m becoming.
